I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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