your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
