Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
