Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize