were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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