i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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