why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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