you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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