I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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