last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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