I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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