i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
