whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
