his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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