Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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