I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
