God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
