my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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