The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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