Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
