Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
