I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
