So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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