I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
