What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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