It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
