i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
