this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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