and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
