you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
