I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
