I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
