If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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