There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
