He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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