Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
