Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no, he came in my armpit
I wish I only lived at night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
