If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
