I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
