You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
