But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I look better un-naked...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
