Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i drank out of a bidet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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