So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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