It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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