The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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