Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
