everyone is single if you try hard enough
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just pee around me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
