Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
