I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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