i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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