Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
