nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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