seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
