i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
