Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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