Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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