2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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