so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
