season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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