Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
