JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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