mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
