last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
