I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
