i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize