ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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