shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
