hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
