somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
