Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
