he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She bit a glass in half.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
