is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
