she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
