you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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