as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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