I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
