Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
