capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
