I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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