First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
