it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
