All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
