Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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