She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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