If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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