wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize