My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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