God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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