Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You smell like stripper and shame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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