he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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