Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
